Welcome

This series is- like many of mine- a torch I’m still carrying. I think that inquiry into dreams and the imagery in the subconscious will be something I continue to pursue indefinitely. 

I have always been one of those people that dreams a lot. I can remember most of my dreams. The only time I seem to forget them is in sheer volume of dreams I try to remember. I lament that I haven’t kept a better dream journal or spent more time understanding archetypal imagery in order to interpret my dreams. I did always notice funny things about my mind: such as if I repressed a thought or feeling in my conscious, I would inevitably dream about it. In my personal and emotional life- I seem to move slower than I do in my conscious mind. Often my emotional and relational dreams reference the state of my feelings six month prior- as though my feelings deep down have yet to catch up to what I have decided to do. My early childhood memories and family members are in my dreams on a nightly basis regardless of how long it’s been since those scenes or people have been away from me; so early childhood seems more potent to the subconscious than many subsequent but significant chapters. My stresses and happinesses are reflected into the tone of my dreams. When I am my happiest and most relaxed- my dreams are the most surreal and creative. When I am stressed they are usually more realistic and relational or work related.

My dreams range from intensely practical to wildly surreal. One of my recurring dreams as a child was a witch tapping a spot on my back to skin me alive. This must’ve correlated to a back spasm that wasn’t paint per se- but an intolerable sort of discomfort. Another was being some sort of agent of espionage that creeps into a large metal warehouse. Inside there’s a chair and wicker basket in the corner and a massive staircase receding into blackness. I hear footsteps and crawl into the basket. The room begins to heat up to an intolerable temperature as I hear a Satanic laugh echo through the room. Another recurring dream was a view of the still ocean from the beach. Going out into the water is a series of planks anchored to the ocean floor by planks. I know I have to walk out onto the water, but the ocean is full of dangerous marine life. I am walking out on the planks and doing well, when I lose my balance and fall into the water. To my surprise nothing harms me. I am quickly scooped up by a large red sea serpent that has protected me. We are then promptly married in a large fish tank. These are just a few of the more curious examples. 

I have recently been looking into Native American lore: spirit guides, dreams and their theories on an intuitive and natural instinctive kind of intelligence that our culture is out of touch with. I have a percentage of Native American in me, and the more I learn about that culture and it’s ways of processing the world, the more I realized that many of these beliefs and ways of being were already intuitive to me in ways I just couldn’t quite articulate. This natural subconsciously driven way of sensing more than thinking has always been my modus operandi. It’s so difficult to explain to people that are astutely academic that- while I love data and learning- I don’t think that the true “answers” or “knowing” can really be found there. I have known people that look outward rather than inward to fill voids and fix problems; they put data in spiritual chasms. I’ve just never been convinced that works. 

Native Americans realize the significance of dreams in many ways that absolutely correlate with what modern science has to say. Dreaming is the language of the subconscious and helps to facilitate communication and harmony between the two hemispheres of the brain. When your conscious mind experiences something- your subconscious is processing and reacting to that at a pace your conscious mind could never keep pace with. You know, but you can’t explain how or why you know just yet. The information taken in by the conscious mind is a lot like taking an armful of random files; dreaming is the subconscious sorting those files into the proper cabinets. 

This series was an exploration of subconscious driven creation. I made a conscious effort to turn off rational decision making by painting before I could think, and just observed what colors and images resulted.

This series took on the look of modern cave drawings in my opinion. That was in no way planned, but very apt. I do not have logical explanations or analyses for these paintings, but this is what emerged from the ether. Interpret as you will.